Loss

A good friend of mine lost his son over the Thanksgiving weekend. As a father I can fathom the loss, I can get my arms around it, measure it, do the math. But I just can't comprehend it. The pain he and his wife must be feeling. I can't imagine it.

I went to the memorial service.

In my whole life I've managed to avoid all but two other memorial services/funerals/etc. I don't do well in those kinds of situations. Heck, I don't even go to "going away" lunches for coworkers. I don't like saying good bye. I don't like sadness. I don't like loss.

I never know what to say or do. You offer your help, your assistance. "Let me know if there's anything I can do." But what can I do? Mow the lawn? (I really did offer to do this, and other household chores) Alas, what I cannot do for them is offer any real help. Anything to remove the pain, the hurt. The loss.

Nanowrimo 2011

Nanowrimo 2011 is in the books. I finished a few days early (look at me, showing off) with a novel I really enjoyed writing. I enjoyed it so much that I've actually looked at it a few times since I finished on Sunday to do some minor editing. Now that's unusual for me.

But what I need to do now is let it sit, let it just rest over there on the back burner for a month or two or five. Then come back to it and see if I still like it and how much editing I can do. And that's a good plan because of how busy I am at the new job.

I did most of my writing on the weekends and the days I had off between jobs or during the holiday. In fact, I think I wrote fewer than 5k words during lunches/etc. at work. Where in past years, I've written all about 95% of the words while I was at the office either early in the AM or during lunch. I've just always had a better writing environment at the office.

This break in the middle of November meant that my Nanowrimo python script's logging data was spotty at best. Hopefully next year I'll have it running the whole time. I was excited about this year because I finally got the web/twitter posting feature fixed. Ah well, next year...

Nano, and Catching My Breath

Nanowrimo continues. It's inexorable, daunting, a clock tick-tick-ticking away. And even though I have started a new job and have even less free time than ever before, I'm in. I'm in and I'm doing well, having crossed 40k words last night. I hope to finish of the story this weekend, marking my 7th straight Nanowrimo "victory."

Seems like I haven't had time to relax. I'm spending any spare time writing or working (where I also write, but not novels unfortunately).

And I'm exercising a lot. Maybe too much.

When I mentioned catching my breath, I was being literal. The other day after a medium-sized workout (pushups, dips, crunches, exercise bike) I spent the whole day feeling like I couldn't catch my breath. I was worried about that, which made things even worse. I was even contemplating the dreaded D word (doctor).

But then I realized that I was incredibly stressed about my new job. Not that it's not stable or fun or rewarding -- I just have very high expectations for what I can do to contribute and after a whopping 5 days I didn't feel I was making enough headway.

I stepped back and put it all into perspective and then took the weekend off. Date night on Friday. No exercising Saturday or Sunday, only writing when I felt I wanted to, not when I felt I needed to. The result was a feeling of rejuvenation.

Monday I came to work with ideas and plans, things that would work, would make an impact.

Things aren't perfect, but I feel better prepared to tackle the bumps and take the bruises.

Moving On...

Friday was my last day at my job. I had worked there for over 7 years. I built the team from zero to ten (10!) technical writers, hiring most of them myself. I loved most of what I did and who I did it with, but it was time to go.

So, I'm moving on to a much smaller company. From 70k people to less than 70.

I'm really looking forward to the opportunity and I really can't wait to get started.

But last week was a tough week. I knew it would be hard, leaving the people I had worked with for so long. But I didn't know it would be _that_ hard!

Monday started out fine with just a tad of melancholy. I had told my team the week before so at this point I was simply running out the clock, doing my best to ensure a smooth transition. By Wednesday I was spending a lot of my time sneaking words in on my nanowrimo novel and generally avoiding human contact.

On Friday, I went to lunch with the team and we did our best to not talk about my leaving. We were all in denial.

After lunch I put the few remaining items from my desk into a box and took it out to my car. I really, really wanted to just get in and drive home, but I felt I needed to say one last goodbye so I went back in.

It's funny, saying goodbye to people. This experience reminded me a lot of the end of senior year in high school. There's a chance you'll never see these people again. The yearbook signing was a way to lessen that blow. "Keep in touch!" we write, not sure if it will ever happen.

LinkedIn is the digital yearbook of the business world.

"Yeah, link me on LinkedIn and we'll stay in touch!"

Exercising

I've been able to get myself up and motivated to exercise more regularly lately, due in no small part to a fun website called Fitocracy. I have a few friends on the site and we manage to keep each other motivated via positive messages and, yes, maybe a little friendly and supportive competition.

But today I read an interview (at Fitocracy) with someone and when she was asked how she motivates herself, she said (basically) that it wasn't motivation. It's just what she does. Just like brushing your teeth or going to work every day, it's what "mature" adults do.

And that really struck a chord with me because I've often felt that way. When I was in my 20s and living in a house with 10 other people it was very easy to blow off work, or bills, or whatever else seemed boring or difficult. But then I took some night classes and got a second job. Everyone else at the house was asking how I motivated myself. I didn't realize it at the time, but it became more than motivation. It was just something I did.

So, does this mean I'll wake up and do crunches and push ups and ride the exercise bike every day? Nope. But I think I'm moving from being motivated to keep in better shape (for my family as well as myself) to it just being something I do.

Still More Editing Notes

Just finished editing the second book. I really had fun editing this one as I went back into book one to add some seeds for plots/etc. that would be revealed in book two (and three).

But mostly I liked these rounds of edit so much because I could tell that I had continued the voice/tone I used in the second half of the first book. That made editing much easier as I went through.

Now, on to the third book where I actually have to add another chapter at the end. So I'll be doing some more substantial writing as well as editing. I hope it lives up to my expectations, as that's a long way to go for disappointment! Grin!

I have the first two books up on Lulu in .pdf and printed versions, but the cover for book two isn't done yet. And, of course, I'll need something for book three. Then? Well yeah. Then.

That's the question, isn't it?

But I need (well, want anyway) to get this all done in the next two weeks (18 days, actually). Then I'll start on the book for this year's nanowrimo. More on that (you've been warned!) later... :)

I'm Old

I'm old. I suppose that's not news if you know me. I complain about "kids these days" all the time. In fact, I cannot resist. Here's one now: I saw a girl this week with a rain coat literally tied around her waist. She was standing in the pouring rain, wearing just a t-shirt. I think she didn't want to be seen at school wearing a rain coat. What kind of a dork wears rain coats?

But today I realized that this getting old business is real. And that's fine. Happens to everyone, or so I'm told. What sucks, though, is the way the world is letting me know I'm old. It's these little, almost subtle things. Like when the Sci-Fi channel changed its name to SyFy and replaced most of its programming with Professional Wrestling, Ghost Hunting/Finding/Recording shows, and Sharktopus-esque TV movies.

Message? Kids watch wresting and like ghost stories and watching somewhat known actors make "rent movies" about monsters.

And Taco Bell? What happened to you, man? You used to be cool. We used to hang out. I'd get some nachos, maybe an enchirito, maybe a burrito supreme. We had good times, right? But now? You're selling stuff that needs quotation marks: "food" I guess you'd call it. I mean, making taco shells out of Doritos? Is that even legal?

Now, where are my reading glasses and my cane? I think I hear hoodlums out on my lawn.