Matter

I'm kind of getting this "stuck in a rut" feeling. Like I'm just running laps -- I keep passing the same landmarks. Over and over they pass by or maybe I pass them by. But it doesn't matter; either way it's just perception. The kids started school again. Just like last year and the years before that. Our garden is slowly losing the battle to squirrels, bugs, and birds. Just like last year and the years before that.

What did I do this morning? I got up and took a shower. Then I spent 20 minutes with the family and then went to work. Just like yesterday. And the days before that.

Yeah, I'm complaining, but I can't complain. And by "I can't complain" I mean I'm socially and possibly legally, morally, and astrologically not allowed to complain. And yet I do.

I suppose the good thing is that since I've been here before, I also know I'll be _there_ again. Yes, there. There, where I'm active and engaged, where the kids are behaving and miraculous, where the job is interesting and the vegetables grow. There, where the pieces fall into place faster than I realize they weren't in place before. Where I have revelations and big ideas in the shower in the morning before work. Where metaphors don't escape me and words snap together into perfect, shiny piles.

Where I matter.