I've been worrying lately. That's not really anything new or noteworthy, and it certainly doesn't have a real impact on my life at all. But I've been hearing and reading frequently about regrets. People have them. One of the biggest regrets I hear is that people didn't make themselves happy during their lives. They didn't follow their dreams.
Reading something like that causes one to take a step back and ask questions. Am I happy? What dreams of mine am I not chasing, not fulfilling? You hear about people who changed careers and were much happier with a low paying job. People who, on their death beds, lament a life spent chasing a dollar and never stopping to smell the roses.
But I'm not sure what I'd be doing if I wasn't doing what I'm doing. I'm such an introvert that if I didn't have a job I'd probably never leave the house! No, having a job is good for me, and I don't mind this one at all. There are many aspects of my job that I enjoy.
Sometimes I wonder if I'd be happier in a much simpler life. If we sold everything, quit our jobs and started a home/farmstead out away from the city.
I'm not convinced I would find that much better. I love the idea of it. I romanticize it. I don't like how we're treating the planet, each other. We do our best, in our family's little corner of the world, to make better choices and set a better example.
But is that my dream? I don't think so, and the fact that I don't "just know" if it is my dream, tells me it isn't.
Does that make me the least ambitious or motivated person? That I can't even come up with what my "dream" would be if I was suddenly given leave to follow it?