Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I'm trying to fall back in love with my job

I'm trying to fall back in love with my job.

We actually faced the "worst case scenario" here a couple of months ago and I'm sad. And mad. I'm angry that he's gone, and I think that's why I fell out of love with my job.

I used to really, really love my job. I would smile on my way in to work every day. Is that sick? I mean, I actually tell people that. "I smile on my way in to work." I tell friends that, I tell interviewees that. I even sent an email to the CEO saying that.

Man, I really am sick.

But that was the old me. The pre-Thanksgiving me. The pre-Friday night call me.

The new me, the "now" me, well, let's just say that I haven't sent any mail to the CEO recently. I don't smile as I walk by the empty cube every morning, either.

But today... Today on the way in to work I caught myself *almost* smiling. I felt, inside, the briefest flash of... what? Inspiration? Anticipation? I asked "Why now?"

Is it the new year? Is it starting fresh, clean slate in hand, eyes forward, onward, upward?


Today I have to start working on his projects. I put them off for six long, procrastastic weeks, but today... Today I have to sort out his files, find where he kept stuff on the server, what's still checked out in source control, what's missing. For the last few weeks I've told myself that I was dreading the actual work of digging through the electronic debris, the detritus left by his unfair departure.

But I don't dread it. I just stopped loving my job.

Today I will start.

I will start working on his files. I will start doing his work, my work. I will start trying to love my job again.

Ok, maybe just "like." Baby steps.

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there, man. Take breaks from the task if you feel the doom/gloom/sadness really overwhelming you.

    I've never loved my job. I've had jobs I really liked. I've also had a few moments here and there that I did love the project/team/vibe.

    For me, the equivalent of what you are describing is trying to get from "ugh" to "meh" re my job.